4 people that you shouldn't dare date in the Office!!

I dedicate this article to those guys who think that the office is the only place on earth where you will find love........ There are four categories of people that you shouldn't even think of;


1. The Intern 
So much can go wrong when dating an intern, assistant or any other underling that such temptations are best left alone. If your colleagues find out about this office romance, there could be cries of favoritism.......pls pls pls overcome this temptation.

2. The IT guy or gal 
Nothing beats having your request for computer assistance rise to the top of the tech support queue. But fall out of favour with your technically inclined lover and you'll have to endure the tech support call of shame any time your computer has the hiccups. 

3. The boss 
Throw unrequited love and/or an ugly break-up into the mix and there's no telling how far your professional reputation could plummet...after all, this is your boss now. or isn't he/she?


4. The serial dater 
Cozy up to the office philanderer(for simplicity... this is that guy/gal who is everybody's everybody) and you make yourself a prime target for professional gossip and hostility. Not only can your reputation plummet overnight, your colleagues may have a hard time taking you seriously. for this one be as distanced as much as possible!!!!!!


 A short one but one to ponder about.


lovely weekend guys..

Jamo

The Signs of A Player!

Wsap ya’ all it’s been quite a while before i did you one. I remember in the last blog i promised to  do a coming soon entitled "the signs of a player." I can see all the ladies smiling at this, but wait a minute please.........Here is a disclaimer; (Not all men lie, not all men cheat, and not all women are sweet innocents themselves. Nothing written or imagined written herein should be taken to construe such an opinion.)

Infidelity is one of the biggest problems in relationships, behind money problems coz being in love makes us so vulnerable &  being cheated on is very painful. It's better to be aware of the signs and be honest with yourself from the beginning rather than let yourself fall into the trap of falling for a guy, and then falling for all his lies.

Players have several characteristics in common. Some will have more, some will have less, but if the man you're dating has several of these in one go, you could well be dating a player.

 1. He expressly denies being one.

If your man comes straight out (unprovoked) and proclaims that he aint a player, he tends to be precisely that. He will announce this the first time he screws up, or senses that you're leery about him. And he's operating on reflex. The fact is he's so used to being accused of being one, that he instinctively plays offense from the start, in the hope you might be gullible enough to believe what you hear, rather than what you see.

2. He's too smooth.

Does he have an answer for everything? A really good answer? I'm not surprised. as this comes from years of practice. He's made all the big mistakes and has plenty of experience with smoothing things over. He knows what you want to hear, because he's learned well from his previous enablers. Don't add yourself to the list.

3. He's always slightly aloof.

He pays just enough attention to make you crave more, but little enough to make you wonder how interested he really is. This ploy is designed to make you want more -- which is what most of you end up doing -- and some of you will go out of your way to get his attention through methods you wouldn't normally lower yourself to. That's exactly what he wants; you crawling on your knees for his attention.

5. His communication skills suck.

Unless there's a very good reason, if your man doesn't answer your text/email/phone call within 24 hours, he's playing a game.What about the men who deny the truth of that statement by claiming that some men are just too busy...? Dont fall for that crap!!. If you really like someone, you can find a minute to at least text them. No one is that busy! If your man does this on a regular basis, he's playing you.

6. He makes you feel like you're overreacting when you're not.

Let me give you an example: He promises to call you at 8pm, but doesn't contact you until the next day. Why? Because he decided that pizza with his mates would be more fun. When asked why he couldn't be bothered to let you know, to send you a text at least, he replies by making you feel like you're being clingy or too demanding. The guy is a tosser!

7. He makes you feel that You're Not Good Enough For Him

Seriously. This is a very important clue. Feeling that you're not good enough for him means that you feel bad about yourself. It's one thing if this issue stems from any self esteem issues you may have, but it is quite another if it is the result of the way he treats you.

This is sometimes the a sign of a cheater, but it's always the sign of someone you'd be better off without. Common techniques for making a woman feel bad involve criticizing her looks, calling her fat, suggesting she could loose a few kgs , or often insinuating that she is stupid. If he does any of these things, run, run away and be fast! Here is a caveat though, that I would put on this advice; sometimes women feel bad about themselves without any help from outside sources. Try to look at the situation objectively. Is he engaging in destructive interaction with you? Are your feelings based on negative self talk, or is he actively trying to keep you down by treating you like a lesser person than he? In the first instance, some counseling may be in order, in the second, a break up.

8. Gut Instinct

Have a funny feeling in your tummy when it comes to him? Take some Tums, and if it's still there once they've taken effect, chances are that your body is trying to tell you something. Most women who haver been involved with cheating men say afterwards that they had a feeling something was wrong. You shouldn't necessarily leave him because you have a feeling something isn't right, but you should be aware and be alert for other signs. Intuiton is what they call it and clay they that it makes abode in females!!!

Have a lovely evening all!!

James

Loud Signs: Reading a guys intentions

If you’re single and open to dating, that’s good for you. Go out there, and enjoy yourself. Your goal should not be to find a guy, but to develop a fun and fulfilling life. And while doing that, you want to put yourself in situations where you can meet someone. After all, Prince Charming only arrives at someone’s door step in fairy tales.

It’s important, though, to keep your eyes open to what’s going on around you. Whether you spend time with a guy from work or see a certain one at the gym on a regular basis, you need to be aware of the signs he may give, to show that he has all the intentions of being more than just a friend. When guys are interested, they show it. Here are a few signs that a guy wants to get to know you in a different way.....

2.He just happens to be around you a lot

Guys are sort of simple. When they set their minds on something, they usually go for it. And in this case, that something could be you! If a guy wants to get to know you, he will find ways to be around you. He may stop by your cubicle frequently at work. Or he may just so happen to run into you and your friends each Friday at happy hour. Coincidence, perhaps. However, these run-ins may be much more strategic than random.If a guy is spending time with you but has not asked you out yet, it’s a matter of time. He clearly wants to get to know you, or he would not be hanging around.

3.He asks you questions

Guys who want to get to know girls ask questions. They engage in conversation, and they often drive it. If you meet a guy but have to be pushy when talking to him, he may not be that into you. And if you’re asking all about him but he’s not curious about you, a red flag should appear in your mind. Think about it; When someone wants to get to know you, they will show signs of interest in the conversations the two of you have.

4.He treats you respectfully

Guys know how to be on good behavior, for the most part. And if they’re into a gal, they will treat her with respect. They want to make a favorable impression, and they want it to last - at least in the initial encounters. If a guy is not making that extra effort to behave well around you, he likely doesn’t care about what you think, and this means he probably doesn’t want to get to know you.

NB: Up there are just a few signs that a guy wants to get to know you. Remember that guys pursue things they want. And when in pursuit mode,they will eventually reveal their motives. And please dont be suprised if you get the ALL DIRECT kind of guy, who will look you in the eye and tell you...”I want to go out with you” or, “will you be my gal?” If you meet a guy who is showing some of these signs of interest,or who also in some instances unhooks some innocent flirting lines, you may just have a potential date or boyfriend.

DISCLAIMER: COMING SOON: THE SIGNS OF A PLAYER

Have a fabulous weekend!!!

James

How To Tell If a Guy is Into You

Here goes the OLD liner from the ladies..."How do I tell if a guy is into me?

Although most will look for the normal signs, such as him phoning when he says he will, or grabbing a box of chocolates for you, there are many important signs that we don't pay attention to.

Such as, does he listen to you when you speak, or does he just nod his head, while finishing your sentences for you, munching down on a burger?

When someone is interested in you, he is interested in the ALL of you, even if it is just another story of how bad your day at work was. He will never tire from your stories. You will get eye contact, feedback, the occasional smile, or even a frown, which you need to prove that he actually cares about what you are talking about.

IMPORTANT SIGNS TO WATCH OUT FOR

1.Does he talk to YOU? Communication is key to a lasting relationship, and many men have problems opening up, and talking about their fears, or even their desires. However, if your the one he calls to rant, and rave about his canceled night with the boys,the stress at work,the business idea that he has or his wish to end poverty, you can take that as a good sign.

2.Have you met his friends? When someone is into you, they want to show you off to the world. They are proud to have you under their arm, and can't wait to parade you around their friends that they have been bragging about you to. Also, if you do meet them, how do THEY treat you. A man's friends will always have the inside scoop, so if they are disrespectful, or don't even have the slightest clue what your name is, take that as a bad thing. Be sure you take note of how HE treats you in front of them as well. Does he suddenly start calling you "buddy" or neglecting to hold your hand in front of them? If so, double think your situation.

3.Has he introduced you to his family? Is his mother already talking about what your children will look like? Being introduced to the family by a man may not seem like a big deal, but for many, it is the make or break. They will usually let you meet when they decide that they really do like you, and want a second opinion from people they trust. If you have been together for a while, and there has been no mention of a trip to mama's for some fried chicken, and collared greens, then there may be a family he doesn't want you to find out about; like one where he's the head of the household, and his wife is reading my soon to come article about "How to find out if your spouse is cheating."

4.Does he pay attention to things you like? Last, but most certainly not least,  If you have mentioned that your favorite colour is pink for the last four months, and the guy shows up with a blue rose, it may not seem like that big of a deal, until you realize that simple things are usually what makes us most happy. Please thank him for the blue rose, but before it wilts, find someone else to replace it with a beautiful, pink one.....

Smile ladies and open your eyes wide!!!

James

10 Most Common Relationships' Breakers

1. Unfaithful
Infidelity is an ugly word and when it becomes a reality, things can get nasty. Being faithful in spite of the attractive new employee in Accounting, may be difficult but it is crucial to the strength of your relationship.

2. Lack of Chemistry
The first year, you can’t keep your hands off each other. But now things are cooling down. Your hands are now firmly in your pockets. That warm feeling in your heart doesn’t seem to make it flutter at all. Chemistry seems to have taken a backseat.

3. When you want your partner to be like you!
Some couples specialise in Change Management. They try to mould each other into their own mental images of what the other should be! That’s treading dangerous ground.

4. The ugly Jealous
Worried that your partner is doing better than you are? You find it difficult to smile when they do well at work? These could be signals that your heart is not set right.

5. Insecurity
When you don’t feel good enough to be loved and pampered the way you are, then you can be sure that insecurity is at work in your life. Unless you have self worth and think yourself worthy of attention, you can’t expect to be loved.

6. Misdirected priorities
Where does your relationship stand on your priority list? If it’s after ‘friends’, ‘parents-in-law’ and ‘neighbours’ then maybe you need to take another look at that list!

7. Communication breakdown(lack of communication)
Remember the days when you used to sit on the porch swing and just talk? Bring those ‘good ole’ days’ back. Communication is vital in building a lasting relationship.

8. An unhealed hurt heart
If you’re not over your past and still at some level trying/hoping to get back with your EX, then don’t expect this new relationship to work. It’s already headed downhill at super speed. Sort your heart out first!

9. Over expectation
Avoid entering a relationship with a dozen expectations. If you do then you’ll end up trying to match life to your mental blueprint.

10. Letting yourself go
If you know longer look anything like when you first met your partner, then you’re in troubled waters. To keep the romance alive, take care of your health and your appearance. It will keep the fire in your partner’s heart burning only for you.

James

Maintaining a friendship in a relationship

How to maintain a friendship in your relationship so you can be lovers and friends at the same time.

You are so much in love with your companion, but are the two of you friends? Now that you have fallen in love with that person, has it made you lose the friendship you might have had at the very beginning of the relationship? If you find yourself not treating them as a friend and only as a lover, you might needed to develop a friendship with your partner again. Some of the most wonderful relationships, are the ones that the two people are still friends, as well as lovers. How do you keep the friendship in your relationship, now that you have crossed that line to become lovers? Once you fall in love with someone you tend to start acting differently toward them and that’s how you lose the friendship. That is the first thing that we should not do, is start acting differently with our partners. The way that you communicated with each other in the very beginning, is the same way you should continue communicating as the relationship develops. In the beginning you talked to each other liked friends do when they are getting to know each other, you should never stop. Friends can discuss anything with each other and that is the most important part of a relationship that should remain with your lover. You are more intimidate with your lover than any friend that you might have, so you needed that friendship more with your partner than anyone else. Friends are not afraid to show each other how much they care for each other and can work out any situation. When you keep that friendship with your partner, you can work out any problems you might have. You feel more at ease to discuss anything with each other and that will keep complications out of your relationship for a more stronger bond. You will find when you have a friendship in your relationship, you spend time together not because you are in a relationship, but because you genuinely like being with each other. That friendship will have the both of you doing things with each other because you truly enjoy doing those things together, like most friends do. Maintaining a friendship in your relationship is not hard to do once you both decide that you want a friendship and work together to keep it. Most couples lose their friendship when no one is working to maintain it and they let go what they had in the beginning, instead of keeping what was developed when they first started. Friends are one of the most wonderful things you can have in your life and being friends with someone you love is the most beautiful thing there is. Both people have to want to have a friendship along with their intimate relationship for it to work and grow into whatever level they want to be at next. Being friends with your partner can make the relationship so great that it can lead to a marriage. If you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, that someone should be your friend. The person that you decide and look forward to spending the rest of your life with will be much easier to be with for a life time, if that person is your friend. James

Ladies be on the alert! : Things you shouldn't tell a guy you want to Marry

In beginning a dating relationship, it may take some time to get comfortable with the other person. But as you get acquainted, it is tempting to share deeply held secrets or private longings that you hope will bond the two of you.

Be careful! Confessing secrets or expressing desires too early in a relationship can frighten the most grounded guy. Here are some of the scariest topics to avoid until the two of you have had time to get to know one another:

1. "I'm looking for a marriage partner."


Any version of this statement can be a real turn-off for many men. They often feel like a commodity in the marketplace that you're checking out with a view to buying. Even if you do hope to marry in the next year or two, keep quiet about your plans until you find out whether this guy is the one. Even then, let him take the initiative in the commitment department. Many guys do not respect girls who take the lead, fearing her aggressiveness bodes ill for a long-term relationship.

2. "I don't know where my money goes."

 If you mean this seriously, and a great deal of the time, your newfound dating partner may take this as a hint to duck out the back door. No one wants to feel like he will have to support someone who isn't responsible enough to care for herself. While all of us run short occasionally, those who make a habit of it can cause real snarls in a romance that could otherwise be headed for Honeymoon Haven. Learn to manage your income and bills, and don't mention financial problems to someone you're dating unless they're severe and you want him to know up front before getting serious.

3. "I can't stand your mother." 

Back off from this one. No guy likes to hear that you don't like his family. If you want to give this romance a fighting chance, keep quiet about your potential future in-laws. Better yet, cultivate a positive relationship by sending encouraging notes or funny e-mails, and always demonstrate respect for any member of your guy friend's family.

4. "I can't wait to have kids." 

This is another sizzler that tells the man you are looking for an assembly line marriage. Each relationship is unique, and it is best to discuss the prospect of having children with a man who may be seriously thinking about getting engaged. If your male friend is still in college or unhappily employed, the last thing he wants is the image of a dependent family whose needs ensure that he get and keep any possible job for their support. Give the relationship time to blossom before discussing projected dreams.

5. "I think you should change your work schedule so we can go out more." 

This sounds like a demanding wife already, someone who plans to force her desires above her husband's needs. A job schedule has to take priority over a social calendar whether one party likes it or not. Girls who come across as demanding, controlling, or self-centered are likely to be passed over as marriage material. Work on developing compassion for the man in your life in terms of his job and his personal interests. Put your agenda on hold--indefinitely--except for things that truly matter.

Watch your words, ladies, if you want a guy to fall for you and stick around. Otherwise, he may get the hint early on and will be gone without a trace before you know it.

James

Four reasons to break up with your girlfriend

1. IF YOU ARE LEADING HER ON

If you are with a woman who you know is falling for you, but you are aware that you are personally not falling in love with her, then you owe it to this woman to spare her feelings and end the relationship. Women sometimes have the tendency to let themselves become attached to a man that is not attached to them. If you do not see a future with your girlfriend, then don’t have a present with her. You can’t keep a lady around just because you can stand her. You can’t stay in a relationship out of convenience. You should never continue a romance that you are not invested in just for the physical rewards. If you are not intending to take this relationship to the next level, and you know that the girl that you are with is already picking out china patterns, then you have to do the right thing: break it off. If you care about her at all, then you owe it to her not to lead her on. The only reason to continue a relationship is because you believe that there is a future in it. You can date and you can have flings with women with no intention of building a relationship, but you have to be honest with the women that you are with so that they do not end up feeling deceived and manipulated.

2. SHE CAN’T BE TRUSTED


If your girlfriend has been unfaithful to you, and you are unable to trust her, then you should break up with her. This is not to say that there are no circumstances in which cheating should be forgiven, but you have to evaluate that on an individual basis. First of all, do you think that she is truly remorseful and will not do it again, or do you think that she is just sorry that she got caught? You have to decide if you will be able to have faith in your relationship anymore. If you are not able to trust your girlfriend, then you need to break up with her. You will become a jealous person if you stay in a relationship with someone that you do not believe in. You should be with a woman who is mature enough to be honest with you. If your girlfriend felt she needed to stray from the relationship, then you should wonder why. Have you been unfaithful to her? Do the two of you spend as much time together as you did when you first started the relationship? She might have been looking for someone to talk to when you were emotionally unavailable, and what started off as innocent flirtation led to infidelity. People do make mistakes, but if the mistake is going to cause you to be insecure and paranoid in your relationship, then you should break it off.

3.YOUR LIFE HAS CHANGED FOR THE WORSE

Relationships can change your life, but the goal is for your life to be changed for the better, not the worse. If you feel like you are no longer a happy and confident person when you are with your girlfriend, then you are in an unhealthy relationship. Having a girlfriend is not worth sacrificing your happiness. Sometimes if a guy who is very inexperienced with women gets a girlfriend, he wants to stay in the relationship even if the woman is a witch to him. If you are a man who has had a hard time playing the dating game, you might have resigned yourself to the idea that you have to settle for whoever will be with you. Wrong! You are better off alone than with someone who does not treat you with care and respect. It is unfair to you to settle for someone who does not value you. You deserve to be with someone who shows you the same love and kindness as you show them. If your girlfriend embarrasses you in front of your friends by demeaning you or if she is constantly pointing out your flaws and imperfections, then you owe it to yourself to break up with her and find someone who is deserving of your love.

4.YOUR GUILTY CONSCIENCE

Sometimes a man will stay with a woman because he feels that it will destroy her if he ends the relationship. If you care about a woman, but you are no longer in love with her, then it is in both of your best interests in the long run to end the relationship. Your girlfriend does not want to be in a relationship with someone who cares about her on a purely platonic level. She may be very hurt and saddened to see your relationship come to a close, but if you are not invested in this relationship, it is not going to survive, and the longer that you wait to end it, the worse things will become. You can feel bad that you are breaking her heart, but you should not feel guilty for being honest about your feelings.

James

Three reasons to break up with your boyfriend

1. WHEN YOU ARE AFTER TWO VERY DIFFERENT THINGS

A relationship cannot survive if the two parties involved are not after the same things. If you want to be in a serious committed relationship, but your boyfriend is thinking of it as a more casual type of situation, then you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Don’t put yourself in the perfect position to get hurt. If you are looking for a potential husband, then you should be dating a man who is looking to settle down. If you are focused on your career right now and not on fostering a long-term romance, then you shouldn’t be with a man who is focused on taking your relationship to the next level of commitment. It doesn’t make any sense to pair yourself up with a guy who has different intentions than you do. After you have been dating someone exclusively for a while, you should have a talk about where your relationship is headed and where both of you want to see it going. The reason that you should wait a little while, like a couple of months, before you have the “where is this relationship headed” talk is because you need to give yourself time to figure out your feelings, and so does your boyfriend. Until the two of you have established yourselves as a couple, it is too soon to make a judgment about your desires for the future. Remember, just because you decide that you think that this relationship is worth taking to the next level, that doesn’t mean that the relationship is certainly going to last – it just means that you are both willing to find out. If you have the talk and you find out that he is not interested in making things more serious and you are, then you will be able to spare yourself of further hurt feelings by ending the relationship. If you don’t talk about what the two of you want, then you are going to wind up putting your heart on your sleeve for nothing. Even if the talk doesn’t go the way you wished it would have, it is still better to find out what your boyfriend’s intentions are so that you don’t waste your time in a relationship with someone who is not on the same page as you.

2.WHEN THERE IS ABUSE IN THE RELATIONSHIP

You should never stay in a relationship with a man who is physically or emotionally abusive towards you. Physical abuse is not something that you should forgive under any circumstances – you are worth far more than a relationship that involves domestic violence. Your boyfriend may apologize until he is red in the face, but you have to stay strong and put yourself first. If he hit you once, then you have absolutely no reason to believe him when he tells you that it will never happen again, and you should not stick around to find out. Second chances are not something that should be afforded to everyone, and violent situations are a prime example of the unforgivable when it comes to a romantic relationship. You deserve better – you deserve someone who will respect you and your safety – not someone who endangers you. If you are worried that your boyfriend will become physically abusive when you break it off, then do it in a well lit public place, and be prepared to call the police. If he threatens you, you should immediately call the authorities and get a restraining order of protection against him so that your safety is not compromised. Emotional abuse can hurt just as bad as the physical kind. If your boyfriend is constantly berating you and putting you down, you should break up with him right away. If he tries to control your life by keeping tabs on your every move and monitoring your interactions with family and friends, then you need to get out of the relationship. You are in the boss of you, no matter what. Your boyfriend has no right whatsoever to dictate your existence and you need to respect yourself enough to leave a man who tries to control and hurt you.

3.LACK OF TRUST

If your relationship lacks trust, then you are better off without the relationship. Honesty is the most important policy for a happy couple. It is very hard to get over deception. If you are suspicious that your boyfriend has not been faithful to you, then how are you going to enjoy your time together? First off, figure out why you don’t trust your boyfriend. If it is because you have had boyfriends cheat on you in the past, then you might be behaving unfairly. You can not transfer your mistrust of one man to another. You have to work on your ability to trust. If, on the other hand, you have caught your boyfriend in lies or he has been exhibiting signs of infidelity, or if he has cheated in the past and you forgave him but suspect he is up to his old tricks again, then you should break up with him. Trying to love someone that you do not trust will make you become a jealous and insecure person, and that is not who you want to be.

Dont worry dudes, an article in your favor is on it's way!!!!

Regards,

James Mulandi

10 ways to build a good relationship

Building ideas for the future:

Ten ideas for men who are ready for commitment

BE A MAN OF YOUR WORD

A successful and strong relationship is one that is built on trust and dependability. If you tell a woman that you are going to do something, she will expect you to keep that commitment. Whether it's a date you've made for dinner, a promise to water her plants while she's on vacation, or a resolution to give up smoking, keeping a pledge is crucial in developing and nurturing a solid foundation for the future. Even if it is something that seems insignificant to you in the big scheme of things (i.e., returning a library book for her on your way home from work), a succession of forgetful moments will diminish her faith in you. Accordingly, if every time you promise to do something triggers a reaction on her part to have a Plan B just in case, it is only a matter of time before she starts seeking out a new companion with a better track record for reliability. Never make a promise unless it is one that you know you can keep.

SHOW HER RESPECT

If you want to keep a special woman in your life, you need to not only let her know that you put her on a pedestal but that you are willing to defend her honor to be there. This means that you don't engage in gossip or divulge confidences, that you don't criticize or belittle her, and that your love life isn't an open book to anyone who's nosey. If up until now your priority has been to spend all your free hours with your football buddies, you may need to start rethinking your agenda. A woman who always takes second, third or last place to other relationships in your life isn't going to stay in the picture for very long. Showing respect also means fidelity to the relationship if you've both made a commitment to monogamy. If you can't stay faithful, you owe her the respect of freeing her to meet someone who will appreciate and honor the treasure that she is.

LEAVE YOUR BAGGAGE AT THE DOOR

The last thing a woman wants is a whiner who does nothing but bemoan the fact that all of her predecessors--and probably life in general--treated him badly. While it's one thing for her to be initially sympathetic, it's draining to listen to the same sob stories day after day. Keep in mind that the more time you spend dwelling on the past, the less energy you'll have to spend building a new future. This also goes for men who talk incessantly about past relationships that were good. Whether the split came about as the result of death or divorce, women don't like to compete with the Ghosts of Relationships Past.

ACCEPT HER AS SHE IS

Maybe your beloved would look better if she lost a couple pounds. Maybe she should update that hairdo and go for something snazzier. Maybe she'd look better on your arm if she wore different clothes. If you find yourself keeping a list of all the things she should be doing, you may be looking for a makeover project instead of a girlfriend or future wife. What you need to ask yourself is whether your barrage of suggestions is really meant to help her or to reinvent her into someone who would better define who you think you are. Women--and men--want to know that they're loved for themselves, not for an idealistic image that may be difficult to obtain. There's a right way and a wrong way to recommend improvement. To imply that you could love her more if she didn't have quite so many flaws is definitely the wrong way.

DON'T BE POSSESSIVE

Do you call your girlfriend every hour of the day? Do you demand a thorough accounting of what she’s doing and who she’s seeing whenever she’s not with you? Are you purposely driving a wedge between her and her family and friends so you won’t have to share her? Do you discourage her from doing activities she really loves because you resent that you’re not a part of it? If your behavior fits these descriptions, it’s not love; it’s obsession. In concert with the advice to treat your lady with proper respect, you need to allow her the freedom to have time to spend on herself. Jealousy and possessiveness are unhealthy in any relationship and communicate that you are insecure, clingy, and potentially violent if you’re not the center of attention.

DON'T RUSH ROMANCE

If you want a strong love connection, you need to start out with an equally strong “like” connection. It’s easy to rush headlong into a permanent relationship when you’re more excited about the prospect of being half of a couple than in enjoying the journey of discovering the things you have in common. Even if you’re sure that this is truly love at first sight and you don’t want to waste any time getting her in bed or off to the altar, a partnership that is meant to last will have a better chance if the man and woman invest in the value of friendship with one another. Consider the qualities and traits you admire in the people to whom you are close and apply those same tests in picking the person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life.

PAY ATTENTION

Being a good partner means being a conscientious listener. It means not talking about yourself so much that she can never get a word in edgewise. It means that when she hints she’d really like a certain sweater for her birthday you don’t go out and buy her a CD of your favorite R&B singer instead. It also means that you’re sensitive to her moods, that you take an interest in projects she’s doing at work or problems she’s currently having with her siblings, and that you actually notice (and take action) if you see that one of her tires is low or that she comments on a new restaurant she’d like to try. Pay attention to the calendar, too. Remembering birthdays, anniversaries and special occasions demonstrates that she’s important enough to you that you know how to plan ahead.

TRY NEW THINGS

Show an open mind when it comes to trying out new foods, activities, or ideas. While the two of you don’t have to share the same passion for every single thing that comes along, she’s far more likely to accompany you to a monster truck rally someday if you’ve accompanied her to a performance of the ballet. The fact that you show the willingness and curiosity to see what something is about instead of flatly dismissing it as stupid will accrue huge points in the sensitivity department. Why? Men and women tend to interpret the rejection of an idea as a rejection of them personally, a condition that will only fester with the passage of time. It should also be understood between the two of you that if the new whatever isn’t a good fit, it won’t continue to linger as a bone of contention. Trying it once—and respecting the outcome— is the most that either of you can ask.

SHARE THE WORK

In today’s society, there is no such thing as “a woman’s job” or “a man’s job.” The fact that both parties put in a full day of work shouldn't mean that it’s always the female’s job to cook the meals, set the table, wash the dishes and do the laundry. You may not be a gourmet chef but that shouldn’t stop you from picking up and dishing out Chinese food. Your gender also shouldn’t inhibit you from running the vacuum cleaner, walking the dog, or helping put postage stamps on the wedding invitations.

CELEBRATE THE ORDINARY

Too many couples make the mistake of only pulling out all the stops for each other on vacations and special holidays. The rest of the time, they’re taking each other for granted. While it’s easy to say, “I love you” against an exotic backdrop or go overboard buying presents on Valentine’s Day, a happy relationship is one that celebrates itself every day of the year. Buy her a card “just because.” Schedule date nights…and keep them! Give her a foot rub when she’s had a rough day. Bring her lunch in bed and a favorite DVD when she’s under the weather. Let her know on a regular basis that she’s not only the love of your life but also the best friend you could ever have. Most of all, remember that “happily ever after” isn’t a destination but a journey to be taken hand in hand and heart to heart.